Subject:     My Thoughts About Adultery
Story Codes: no sex
Date:        April 17, 2012
Author:      Kelly <pghpa_girl@yahoo.com>

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                              !!!WARNING!!!!

This file contains sexually explicit material which may include graphic 
depictions of underage, nonconsensual and unprotected sex as well as incest, 
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identified as "For Adults Only".  Possession by a minor is strictly 
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material, do not read it and delete it immediately.

This work is copyrighted 2012 to the author. It may be posted to non- 
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Summary:

Just the mention of the word adultery is enough to set some people off the 
deep end and for good reason.  How many marriages end because one of the 
partners "commits adultery"?  Then again. is it really the adultery that 
ruins the marriage or is it something else?  What exactly IS adultery?  I 
have my own views which have been subject to change over the years.  It's 
interesting to see how getting married can change your perspective - in ways 
different that what you might think.

Note:  I first wrote this well before I was married.  Now that I am 
       married I see life from a different perspective.  Its only 
       natural that as a result some of the guiding principles I my life 
       would adapt to my new life as a married woman.  To those who claim 
       I am hypocritical or somehow unfaithful to my core values and 
       ethics, I make no apologies.  I think its a natural part of life 
       that as you grow older and gain experience and insights that your 
       belief system should change with it.  To be fair, Ive kept my old 
       philosophies from my earlier postings and then added a chapter to 
       reflect how I feel today.

Table of Contents:

   Chapter 1 - References
   Chapter 2 - My Pre-Marriage Position
   Chapter 3 - Post-Marriage Thoughts
   Chapter 4 - Conclusions


Chapter 1 - References
======================

"Thou shalt not commit adultery."  
- The Bible, King James version

"You shall not commit adultery."  
- The Bible, New International Version

"He who commits adultery lacks sense; he who does it destroys himself. He 
will get wounds and dishonor, and his disgrace will not be wiped away. For 
jealousy makes a man furious, and he will not spare when he takes revenge. He 
will accept no compensation; he will refuse though you multiply gifts." 
 The Bible Proverbs 6:32-35 

"Let marriage be honored among all and the marriage bed be kept undefiled, 
for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterers." 
 The Bible, Hebrews 13:4 (New American Bible Revised Edition)

"But God came to Abimelech in a dream by night and said to him, "Behold, you 
are a dead man because of the woman whom you have taken, for she is a mans 
wife." 
 The Bible, Genesis 20:3 (ESV)

"Adultery refers to marital infidelity. When two partners, of whom at least 
one is married to another party, have sexual relations  even transient ones 
 they commit adultery." 
 Catechism of the Catholic Church 2380

"Adultery is an injustice. He who commits adultery fails in his commitment. 
He does injury to the sign of the covenant which the marriage bond is, 
transgresses the rights of the other spouse, and undermines the institution 
of marriage by breaking the contract on which it is based. He compromises the 
good of human generation and the welfare of children who need their parents' 
stable union." 
 Catechism of the Catholic Church, 2335

"Adultery is sexual relations in which at least one participant is married to 
someone else." 
- Wikipedia

Adultery is sex where at least one person is married and that persons 
partner is outside his/her marriage family.
- Mary (My mother and me - pre-marriage)

Adultery is sex where at least one person is married and that persons 
partner is outside his/her marriage family and has not consented to the 
sexual relationship
 - Kelly (Me, post marriage)

Sex: The penetration, however slight, of a female vagina by a male penis.  
     Even if the hymen remains intact or not all of the dick gets in the  
     pussy, it's still sex.  Once ANY part of a dick is in her, even if  
     it's just the very tip, it's as good as ALL in.  Thus a girl can 
     have an intact hymen but NOT be a virgin.


Chapter 2 - My Pre-Marriage Position 
====================================

Note:  This chapter was written BEFORE I was married.

In reading the above, it would seem at first glance that anyone having sex 
with someone other than their wife or husband is committing adultery, an act 
punishable by death in biblical times - of both parties involved!

The key words here are, "at first glance".  It's easy to read something in 
black and white terms without taking into account the full meaning and the 
implications of whats being said.  For example, perhaps one of the most 
abused verses in the Bible is where Paul exhorts women to "submit to your 
husbands".  People with an agenda have taken those words totally out of 
context to validate their personal beliefs that women are second-class 
citizens and subject to their husband's every demand.  Anyone reading the 
whole text and understanding the culture of the era during which this 
statement was made would say something entirely different.

For many people, it doesn't matter what the meaning is behind the words, they 
take the 7th commandment literally without any wiggle room.  For them it's 
black and white and there's no even discussing the matter.  My own mother was 
one of these people.  For her, having sex with another man outside of her 
marriage is immoral and wrong.  I have to say one thing though, my mother 
practiced what she preached.  In over 25 years of marriage, my mother never 
once had sex outside of her marriage.  While she had did sex with her 
brother-in-laws and one of their sons, my mother would tell you that she 
never committed adultery because they were within the boundaries of marriage.

Face it, if the Bible was really all that easy to read and understand, we 
wouldnt have thousands of different churches and untold translations.  So it 
was with me.  There come times when you have to make your own decisions and 
so it was with my stance on "adultery".

Now it's my turn to parse my words.  While my mom was firmly against 
adultery, she DID have sex with my dad's brothers and one of her nephews.  
She rationalized this by expanding the conventional definition of "marriage" 
to include more than just her husband but rather extending to their immediate 
families as well.  In accordance with her definitions, when she married my 
dad she effectively married his family too.  Even she admitted that this was 
most likely stretching the meaning of the Bible out a lot further than most 
people would accept, but she felt strongly about it.

Growing up I was heavily influenced by her morals when it came to these 
matters.  After all, how do you argue with success?  With half of all 
marriages ending in divorce, SOMETHING must have made a difference in my 
parents marriage.  While I would never say it was all due to how they dealt 
with adultery, I DO believe it was a major contributing factor.

Thus my expectations are that once Im married I will be faithful to my 
husband and never commit adultery.  Of course I will continue having sex with 
my dad and maybe my uncles along with whatever family members on my husband's 
side wish to be involved, if any.  However, when it comes to anyone outside 
of our marriage family then they become off-limits for sex once I say, "I 
do."

To be honest, it isn't something Im looking forward to but it is something 
that I feel that I have to comply with if Im going to maintain my biblical 
faith and morals.  In a way, its like those times when Im not really in the 
mood but my father needs me.  As my fathers sexual needs come first, I will 
always fulfill my duties and obligations as his daughter without hesitation.  
I have to say I am proud that I have never said NO to my dad, at least not 
about sex.  So too will I fulfill my obligations as a wife when my marriage 
becomes a reality.

If there is one bright spot, its that to commit adultery means having sex.  
Thus as long as I don't allow another penis in my vagina, anything else is 
legal.  Blowjobs, fondling, and such are not technically sex so engaging in 
those activities does not constitute adulterous behavior.

So thats my position on adultery.  I respect what other people do and 
believe, even if I don't agree with them.  All I ask is the same courtesy and 
respect.


Chapter 3 - Post-Marriage Thoughts
==================================

Note:  This chapter was written AFTER I was married and stands as my 
       current position on adultery.

Its amazing how your perspective on life can change with two little words, 
I do.  As Steves wife, the bible places him at the head of our household 
and that I am to submit to him.  Before anyone sends me hate mail, this is 
biblical submission, nothing to do with BSDM or that kind of baloney.  In 
fact, I wrote an entire article on submission called My Thoughts About 
Submission as this is a complicated topic.  To keep it simple for now, there 
are principles and morals that Ive always deemed to be irrevocable that I 
have now found that needed to be modified somewhat to allow for me to submit 
to my husbands needs and desires.  Theres a limit to how far I will bend 
but when I can I do if that is what it takes to please my husband.

One of those areas is adultery.  Adultery is one of those key moral issues 
that I will never abandon.  That said, while I still feel that adultery is a 
sin and something I will never do, the key is what is adultery?  Its the 
definition that becomes the focal point.

Referring back to Chapter 1, the one thing that stands out in all of the 
statements is the implication that the person being charged with adultery has 
done these acts without the consent of their spouse.  "Make a man furious", 
"breaking the contract", "sexually immoral", and "transgresses the rights of 
the other spouse" are all phrases that point to injury being made on the 
uninvolved spouse.

The only reason I re-examined my position on adultery was my husband Steve.  
Steve made it clear before we were married that he did NOT want a monogamous 
relationship and that he expected us both to seek out other partners, both 
alone and as a couple.  When he first proposed this he wasn't aware of my 
incestuous relationships but I didn't think he would be satisfied with 
limiting himself to my family and so far as I knew, there was no such thing 
going on with his family.

So I was faced with a dilemma.  I couldnt marry Steve and expect him to 
change.  Ive seen enough marriages fail because they entered into matrimony 
expecting that the other would eventually see the light and change as they 
wanted.  Of course that doesnt happen so they end up divorced.  NOT the 
ending that was I was looking forward to in my wedding.

As I studied and prayed about the issue, God showed me that the Bible wasn't 
so much against sex outside of marriage but rather someone having sex outside 
of marriage against the will of their spouse.  In other words, no CHEATING.  
Back in those days I'm not sure if there even words to differentiate the two 
acts so "adultery" was used for both.

The idea was intriguing so I substituted the word "cheating" in place of in 
all "adultery" in all of the quotes at the start of this article.  It was 
amazing.  With one simple change in interpretation of a word I had no problem 
what-so-ever agreeing to all of the statements and prohibitions that were 
made.  In other words, by saying cheating in lieu of adultery, I could 
stick with my existing morals and not even have to compromise!

It was so obvious when I thought about it... cheating leads to jealousy, 
feelings of betrayal, low self-esteem, and can easily be a stake in the heart 
of even the best marriages.  Cheating on your spouse is about the lowest 
thing a person can do.

On the other hand, if your spouse is OK with you doing something, even it's 
having sex with someone else, why would that not be alright?  Youre not 
cheating after all.  Of course such things should be discussed and 
communicated well BEFORE anything is done.  Getting caught and then trying to 
get your spouse to understand and forgive is still cheating... still wrong on 
every level.

Steve and I had many long discussions on this topic so he knows full well 
just how important it is to me that we maintain the proper biblically-correct 
relationship between us at all times.  Whenever possible we will discuss our 
plans ahead of time so there are no surprises.  Of course there are those 
windows of opportunity that sometimes arise and won't stay open for long so 
as long as we tell the other about it as soon as possible afterwards.

The whole principle behind our marriage is that we have no secrets from one 
another when it comes to sex.  


Chapter 4 - Conclusions
=======================

Adultery and cheating are issues like abortion and the death penalty.  People 
have strong opinions backed up by their reading of scripture, their cultural 
background, and personal opinions.  Just as with abortion, seeking agreement 
on what is adultery and what isn't is virtually impossible.  As such I 
respect other people's opinions and would never question how they deal with 
the subject when it comes to their own marriage.  All I ask is to be given 
the same respect and not be questioned about my beliefs or have people tell 
me I am a degenerate or some form of whore or pervert because we believe 
differently.

In the end I believe the final proof is to look at the state of the marriage.  
My own parents, with as strong a relationship as they had - and still do, 
couldnt remain married in part because of the issue of adultery.  Whatever 
the belief, the important thing is that BOTH people agree on it when they 
marry and then follow through on those beliefs.  If not then it may take a 
long time but sooner or later the marriage is doomed - if not by divorce then 
by turning into a loveless marriage of convenience.

What YOU decide to do in your marriage is ultimately up to YOU.  I have made 
my decision and I feel perfectly comfortable with it.  I look forward to a 
lifetime being married to the man I adore and love.  I also look forward to 
having fun when it comes to my sex life.   Theres no reason the two cant be 
compatible!

THE END
